2018 has been kinda surreal for me. I hate the cliche but I can’t help but feel that I’ve “”“found”“” myself, and I’m incredibly proud. I’m at a point where I finally, for the first time, have direction. For the last 6 months I’ve been working a 9-5 in North Sydney, which is crushing at times but mostly something I’ve been able to deal with. In February I’ll be moving to Canberra to pursue a higher education at The Australian National University, somewhere I think I’ll thrive. This year has had it’s ups and downs, but for the first time it’s been mostly ups. I’ve surrounded myself with people I love, went to places I never even dreamed of going, climbed literal mountains, dived with Manta Rays, conquered some of my greatest fears, shed like 18 kilos, made money, lost money, grew 2 centimeters, started writing more, worried less about what others thought of me. I feel confident. I feel whole. I feel like I’m ready to face the future, and I feel like an adult (maybe, who really knows).
I’m not sure what I’m really trying to say, other than this - 2018 has been the best year of my life. I sincerely mean that - there has never been a point where I have been as content with my year as I feel right now. Sure, it’s been garbage at points, but the people, experiences, loud and intimate moments, have left a lasting impact on me. Thank you to everyone who runs / everyone that I met at Concious Impact (special shoutout to Ari, Paddy, Alyson, Rose, Beth, Sunita, Joshua, Paola, Benedicte and Arthur for basically being my second family and reaffirming my love for bananagrams). Thank you to Anna, you know why. Thank you to all my friends here at home (Festive Bois especially, or whatever the chat is called now). Thank you, for reading this. I post a lot less now, and I think that trend will continue for the time being - hey, quality over quantity, right? Regardless, thank you for sticking around as I get my life together. Below is a transcribed page from my diary, written while I was chainsmoking malboro reds in a hostel in Labuan Bajo.
Saturday, 2nd June, 2018
I’m sitting here on the terrace of my Hostel in Labuan Bajo, just finished punching a whole pack of darts back to back. The new Kanye just finished playing (on repeat for the next week at least). I am so grateful for all my friends for sticking by me and bringing me here. It has dawned on me how unhappy I was in Sydney, and it was that deep, horrible sadness that has led me here, to this point, to this crossroads. For the first time, I feel like I am truly happy. I don’t know if I’m ready to go home, but when I do, I hope I can keep this.
This pure, unadulterated joy.
The last 2 months (2 and three quarters, really) have been a whirlwind of emotions. Ups, downs, in betweens. I’ve picked up confidence, and lost negative feelings. Last night I watched thousands of fruit bats migrate, isn’t that something? Nature is bigger than anything, anyone. I am lost in it and it has led me to salvation. I know this is rambling, but I just don’t care.
I am happy, truly, for the first time.
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday - god bless all of you. I wish you a safe and joyous new year, from my heart to yours.